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Bar Jokes

A drunk orders himself a beer

|A man walks into the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk. he staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool, and with a belch, asks the bartender...

 

Who keeps saying those things?

|A man walked in to a bar after a long day at work. As he began to drink his beer, he heard a voice say seductively "You've got great hair!" The man looked...

 

Someone stole things from me

|A drunk phoned police to report that thieves had been in his car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, the radio, and even...

 

I think I'll try a nicer approach

|Every night, after dinner, a man took off for the local tavern. He spent the whole evening there, and arrived home very drunk around midnight each night. He...

 

Bad luck finding a place to hide

|A small balding man storms into a local bar and demands, "Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got. I'm so mad, I can't even see straight." The...

 

I know you were drunk yesterday

|A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at three in the morning, at which time he is extremely drunk....

 

My girlfriend is out in the car

|A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car. The bartender, concerned because it was...

 

I bet I can bite both of my eyes

|A man walks into a bar has a few drinks and asks what his tab was. The bartender replies that it is twenty dollars plus tip. The guy says, "I'll bet you my...

 

I only ordered a double

|I walked into a bar the other day and ordered a double.The bartender brought out a guy who looked just like me

 

This tells me that I must be drunk

|A man walks into a bar and orders one shot. Then he looks into his shirt pocket and orders another shot. After he finishes, he looks into his shirt pocket...

 

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