War

How does an octopus go to war?
→ Well-armed!

It was about a month ago when a man in Amsterdam felt that he needed to confess, so went to his priest:

- Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. During WWII I hid a refugee in my attic.

"Well," answered the priest, "that's not a sin."

- But I made him agree to pay me 20 Gulden for every week he stayed.

- I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause.

- Oh, thank you, Father; that eases my mind. I have one more question...

- What is that, my son?

- Do I have to tell him the war is over?

Osama bin Laden threatened Russia:
If you get caught up in this war... I'll hide from you too!

George W. Bush and Osama bin Laden are having a conversation via Al Jazeera television. Bin Laden tells George Bush, "There is no point of engaging in further war. I can see total peace in the future!"

George Bush replies, "Oh yeah and tell me what you see?"

Osama answers, "I can see New York, with new great buildings on one side and beautiful new buildings on the other side, and everything is peaceful and wonderful."

George Bush says, "Wow is that what you see? Well I'll tell ya what I see for the future of Afghanistan... I see a house here, a house there, a small building here and small building there, but there are signs hanging in the middle of the street."

Osama asks, "And what do they say?"

George answers, "Hell, I don't know. I can't read Hebrew!"

A reporter heard Bush and one of his underlings talking in the hallway:

- Mr President, how do we know for sure Iraq has weapons of mass destruction?

- Pres: You think we're stupid boy??? We made copies of all the receipts!!

When that fool Reagan said that the Soviet Union was a failed experiment headed for the ash heap of history, I knew he was a demagogue.
When that fool Reagan said that the Soviet Union was an evil empire, I knew he was a dangerous kook.
When that fool Reagan said that we could end the Cold War by escalating the arms race, I knew the odds favored nuclear annihilation.
When the Soviet Union went broke, dissolved, and repudiated its past, I knew it was all Gorbachev's genius, and that fool Reagan had nothing to do with it.
Because if that fool Reagan was right all along...
...what kind of fool am I?

Know how to solve the Serbian/Bosnian problem in less than 48 hours?
→ Put Janet Reno in charge.

Why is a violinist like a Scud missile?
→ Both are offensive and inaccurate.

What goes eek, eek, bang?
→ A mouse in a minefield!

What would you get if you crossed a monster with a redcoat?
→ A bigger target.