Bar Jokes

Free drinks for everyone

|One night, a drunk comes stumbling into a bar and says to the bartender: "Drinks for all on me including you, bartender." So the bartender follows the mans...

 

This pill allows you to fly

|A man went into a bar in a high rise. He saw another man take a pill, take a drink, walk to the window and jump out. He flew around for a minute and zipped...

 

I'll trust you that you paid

|A man walks into a bar and has a couple of beers. Once he is donem the bartender tells him he owes $9.00."But I paid, don't you remember?" says the...

 

Driving home very drunk

|It seems a gentleman had too much alcohol at a party, was heading home, and was pulled over by a state trooper. Upon being tested, the fellow couldn't walk...

 

I get so drunk that I imagine things

|The drunk was floundering down the alley carrying a box with holes on the side. He bumped into a friend who asked, "What do you have in there, pal?""A...

 

The Beer Prayer

|Our lager,Which art in barrels,Hollowed be thy drink.I will be drunk,At home as in the travern.Give us this day our foamy head,And forgive us our...

 

I'm trying to prove a point

|A man drinks a shot of whiskey every night before bed. After years of this, the wife wants him to quit; she gets two shot glasses, filling one with water...

 

A pirate at the local bar discusses his past

|A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye...

 

There is a monkey in the bar

|A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. He takes his first sip and sets it down. While he is looking around the bar, a monkey swings down and steals the...

 

Top ten signs that you are too drunk

|10. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the Earth.9. Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you.8. The back of your head keeps getting...