The Man\'s Point System!
THE MAN'S POINTS SYSTEMFor all you guys out there who just can't figure it out, here itis:In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the womanhappy. Do something she likes & you get points. Do something shedislikes & points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doingsomething she expects.
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Sorry, that's the way the game is played.
Here is a guide to the point system:SIMPLE DUTIESYou make the bed.
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+1 You make the bed, but forget to add thedecorative pillows.
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0 You throw the bedspread over rumpledsheets.
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-1 You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light pantyliners with wings.
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+5 But return with beer .
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-5 You check out asuspicious noise at night .
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0 You check out a suspicious noise andit's nothing.
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0 You check out a suspicious noise and it'ssomething.
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+5 You pummel it with a six iron.
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+10 It's herfather.
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-10 You leave the toilet seat up.
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-5 You replace thetoilet-paper roll when it's empty.
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0 When the toilet-paper roll isbarren, you resort to Kleenex.
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-1 When the Kleenex runs out youshuffle slowly to the next bathroom.
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-2SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS You stay by her side the entire party.
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0 Youstay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a collegedrinking buddy.
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-2 Named Tiffany.
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-4 Tiffany is a dancer.
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-6Tiffany has implants.
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-8HER BIRTHDAY You take her out to dinner.
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0 You take her out todinner and it's not a sports bar.
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+1 Okay, it is a sports bar.
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-2And it's all-you-can-eat night.
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-3 It's a sports bar, it'sall-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of yourfavorite team.
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-10THOUGHTFULNESS You forget her birthday completely.
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-20 You forgetyour anniversary.
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-30 You forget to pick her up at the busstation.
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-45 Which is in Newark, New Jersey.
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-50 And the pouringrain dissolves her leg cast.
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-60A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS Go out with a pal .
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-5 And the pal ishappily married .
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-4 Or frighteningly single .
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-7 And he drives aMustang.
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-10 With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED) .
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-15You have a few beers.
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-9 And miss curfew by an hour.
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-12 You misscurfew by an hour and you didn't call.
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-20 You get home at 3am.
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-30 You get home at 3 am smelling of booze and cheap cigars.
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-40 And not wearing any pants.
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-50 Is that a tattoo?
?.
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-200HER NIGHT OUT You stay home while she goes out with her annoyingfriend from work.
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+5 She goes out with her annoying work friends,
and she comes home real late.
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+10 You wait up.
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+15 She goes out,
comes home late and drunk, and you put her to bed.
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+20A NIGHT OUT You take her to a movie.
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+2 You take her to a movie shelikes.
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+4 You take her to a movie you hate.
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+6 You take her to amovie you like.
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-2 It's called DeathCop3.
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-3 Which features cyborgs having sex.
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-9 You lied and said itwas a foreign film about orphans.
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-15FLOWERS You buy her flowers only when it's expected.
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0 You buy herflowers as a surprise, just for the hell of it.
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+20 You give herwildflowers you've actually picked yourself.
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+30 And she contractsLyme disease.
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-25YOUR PHYSIQUE You develop a noticeable potbelly.
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-15 You develop anoticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it.
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+10 You developa noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiianshirts.
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-30 You say "I don't give a damn because you have onetoo".
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-800FINANCES You spend a lot of money on something impractical.
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+5Something she can't use.
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+10 Such as a motorized modelairplane.
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-20 And you buy her a clock radio for her birthday.
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-40DRIVING You let her tell you how to drive.
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+20 You let her mothertell you how to drive.
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+40 You lost the directions on a trip.
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-4You lost the directions and end up getting lost.
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-10 You end upgetting lost because you followed her directions .
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+10 You end upgetting lost in a bad part of town .
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-15 You get lost in a bad partof town and meet the locals up close and personal.
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-25 You knowthem.
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-60THE BIG QUESTION She asks, "Do I look fat?".
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-5 (Sensitivequestions always start with a deficit) You hesitate inresponding.
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-10 You reply, "Where?".
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-35COMMUNICATION When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen,
displaying what looks like a concerned expression.
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0 When she wantsto talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes.
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+5 You listen for morethan 30 minutes without looking at the TV.
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+10 She realizes this isbecause you've fallen asleep.
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-20
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