Doctor Jokes

I want to lose some weight

|A man, seeking to lose some of his excess weight, visited the local doctor.John: How can I lose twelve pounds of ugly fat?Doctor: Of course! Cut your head off.


A doctor is complaining to a mechanic

|A doctor is talking to a car mechanic, "Your fee is several times more per hour then we get paid for medical care.""Yeah, but you see, doc, you have always...


Can I play the piano once these are off?

|A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a hospital. The patient has had major surgery to both of his hands."Doctor," says the man excitedly and...


A man with a glass eye is here to see you

|Nurse: Doctor, there is a man in the waiting room with a glass eye named Brown.Doctor: What does he call his other eye?


The results of the X-ray

|Patient: Doctor, what does the X-ray of my head show?Doctor: Absolutely nothing!


Will this operation hurt me at all?

|Patient (to cosmetic surgeon): Will it hurt me, doctor?Surgeon: Only when you get my bill, Mrs Brown.


A very interesting fact

|Doctor: Did you know that there are more than 1,000 bones in the human body?Larry: Shhh, doctor! There are three dogs outside in the waiting room!


Trouble sleeping

|The woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office. "What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked. "Well, I, uh," she stammered. "I think I, uh, might...


Low self-esteem

|A guy had been feeling down for so long that he finally decided to seek the aid of a psychiatrist.He went there, lay on the couch, spilled his guts then...


Loud, mad, or sad

|The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test.Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked,...