Doctor Jokes

The bad and the worse news

|A man visits the doctor for a checkup, and after some tests, the doctor comes in with a grave look on his face.Doctor: Well, I have some bad news and some...


My wife is beating me

|David: My wife beats me, doctor.Doctor: Oh dear. How often?David: Every time we play Scrabble!


I'm gaining weight doctor

|Trish: My stomach is getting awfully big, doctor.Doctor: You should diet.Trish: Really? What color?


We are the best of friends

|The patient shook his doctor's hand in gratitude and said, "Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult you by offering payment. But I...


Does it hurt when you do this?

|Doctor: Does it hurt when you do this?Patient: Yes.Doctor: Well, don't do that.


Patient: My hair keeps falling out. What can you give me to keep it in?

|Patient: My hair keeps falling out. What can you give me to keep it in?Doctor: A shoebox.


What is your problem?

|Doctor: What seems to be the trouble?Patient: Doctor, I keep getting the feeling that nobody can hear what I say.Doctor: What seems to be the trouble?


You're in great health

|Doctor: You're in good health. You'll live to be eighty.Patient: But, doctor, I am 80 right now.Doctor: See, what did I tell you.


Driving exams worry me

|Liz: I get so nervous and frightened during driving tests!Doctor: Don't worry about it. You'll pass eventually.Liz: I'm the examiner!


The Code of Ethical Behavior for Patients

|1. Do not expect your doctor to share your discomfort.Involvement with the patient's suffering might cause him to lose valuable scientific objectivity.2. Be...