Doctor Jokes

Problems remembering

|Patient: Doctor, I have a serious memory problem. I can't remember anything!Doctor: So, since when did you have this problem?Patient: What problem? A...


Doctor, should I file my nails?

|Patient: Doctor, should I file my nails?Doctor: No! Throw them away like everybody else.


I would like to havea second opinion

|A patient has a sore throat and goes to a doctor to get treatment for it.Doctor: Your tonsils gotta come out.Patient: I wanna second opinion.Doctor: Okay,...


I think I need a pair of glasses

|Patient: Doctor, I think I need glasses.Teller: You certainly do! This is a bank.


Put me into a fighting mood

|Patient: Doctor, what I need is something to stir me up; something to put me in a fighting mood. Did you put something like that in this...


Get me an ambulence now

|A man, after being hurt, calls 911 for help.Man: Operator, operator, call me an ambulance!Operator: Okay, sir, you're an ambulance!


I have good news and bad news

|Patient: I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here?Doctor: You've had an accident involving a bus.Patient: What happened?Doctor: Well, I've got some good news and...


Is she feeling any better?

|Doctor: Nurse, how is that little girl doing who swallowed ten quarters last night?Nurse: No change yet.


What should I do then?

|Patient: Doctor, what should I do if my temperature goes up five more points?Doctor: Sell!


Benefits of having Alzheimer's disease

|5. You never have to watch reruns on television.4. You are always meeting new people.3. You don't have to remember the whines and complaints of your...