Doctor Jokes

The prison hospital

|Prisoner: Look here, doctor! You've already removed my spleen, tonsils, adenoids, and one of my kidneys. I only came to see if you could get me out of this...


How much will this cost me?

|Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled?Dentist: $100.00.Patient: $100.00 for just a few minutes work?Dentist: Well, I can extract it very slowly if you...


Doctor! I swallowed a pillow!

|Patient: Doctor, I think I swallowed a pillow.Doctor: How do you feel?Patient: A little down in the mouth.


Letters from charities

|I am always getting those return address labels from charities wanting money.The other day, I got one from an Alzheimer's group. Funny though, they forgot...


Would you please do me a favor?

|A dentist, after completing work on a patient, came to him begging.Dentist: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful...


I can't find the cause of your pain

|As the doctor completed an examination of the patient, he said, "I can't find a cause for your complaint. Frankly, I think it's due to drinking.""In that...


An invisible man is here to see you

|Nurse: Doctor, there is an invisible man in your waiting room.Doctor: Tell him I can't see him now. Next.


Bad temper problem

|Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress, I keep losing my temper with people.Doctor: Tell me about your problem.Patient: I just...


Will I live any longer?

|Patient: Doctor, if I give up wine, women, and song, will I live longer?Doctor: Not really. It will just seem longer.


People are ignoring me

|A patient walks into a doctor's office.Patient: Doctor, people ignore me.Doctor: Next!