Miscellaneous

37 Rude & Crude Pick-up Lines

1. I wish you were a door so I could slam you all day.2. Nice legs...what time do they open?3. Do you work for UPS? I thought I saw you checking out my...

 

The traffic ticket.

A New Yorker was forced to take a day off from work toappear for a minor traffic summons.He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless hour...

 

Shipwrecked!

A young wife, her boorish husband and a good-looking sailor were ship-wrecked on an island and had already been there for awhile.One morning the sailor...

 

The Fight!

Kelly limps into his favorite pub...My god! What happened to you?" the bartender asked Kelly as he hobbled in on a crutch, one arm in a cast."I got in a tiff...

 

The Honeymoon.

A newlywed couple were spending their honeymoon in a remote log cabin resort way up the mountains. They had registered on Saturday and had not been seen for...

 

Make me an uncle!

Stan was seconds away from receiving a vasectomy when his brother and sister-in-law barged in the room holding their newborn baby."Stop! You can't do this!"...

 

Buying the Farm...

A city slicker wanted to buy a farm. He found just what he was looking for. During an inspection of the property, however, he found a hive of bees.He told...

 

Crazy English!

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.English muffins weren't...

 

Dogs \'n Light Bulbs

How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?Border Collie: Just one. Then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code. Rottweiler: Make me! Lab: Oh,...

 

A bunch of better idiots!

These "Weird Reference Questions" are from the Library Paraprofessionals Listserv. All of these are real and provide proof that a "better idiot" can be...