Miscellaneous
Helpful Tips To Make Life Simpler
Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know. Fool other drivers into thinking...
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Thinnest Books
The Book Of Virtues By Bill Clinton The Amish Phone Directory Mike Tyson's Guide To Dating Etiquette George Foreman's Big Book Of Baby Names French...
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Signs Of The 2000's
Before you criticize someone walk a mile in their shoes. That way if they get angry they'll be a mile away -- and barefoot. A clear conscience is usually the...
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Things Adults Learn From Kids:
There is no such thing as child-proofing your house. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite. A 4...
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Things you don't want to hear during surgery
Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy. "Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness." Bo! Bo! Come back with that. Bad dog! Wait a minute, if...
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You Are No Longer "Cool" When
You find yourself listening to talk radio. You daughter says she got pierced and you look at her ears. The pattern on your shorts and couch match. You fondly...
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Creative Ways To Say Someone Is Stupid
A few crumbs short of a crouton. A few clowns short of a circus. A few fries short of a Happy Meal. An experiment in Artificial Stupidity. A few beers short...
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Ways to Terrorize a Telemarketer
Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD down. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on Leon,...
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Doesn't It Annoy You When...
...there's a car alarm nearby that goes on for hours and the owner is nowhere to be found? ...you buy an answering machine so you won't miss any calls, and...
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Signs You Hired The Wrong Kid To Mow Your Lawn
He shows up with a pair of nail clippers and a Ziploc bag. On the side of his mower you notice the stenciled silhouettes of thirteen cats. Stops frequently...
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