Miscellaneous

Cards You Will Never See In Hallmark

"Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife." "How could two people as beautiful you have such an ugly baby?" "I've always wanted to...

 

You Might Be A Bad Customer If:

You escort people out of line for having 11 items in the "10 items or less" lane. You walk into a store at 10 minutes to close not knowing what you want and...

 

If AOL Were A City...

You'd live in a place where no two people had the same name. You'd only pay $21.95 a month to live there, but half the time you tried to leave your house,...

 

Signs You Took Y2K Too Serious

You didn't find out that nothing happened for a week because you were holed up in your cellar. You don't have to go to the grocery store for a year. You...

 

You Might Be An Internet Addict If...

You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don't have a clue as to when it happened. Your bookmark list takes 15 minutes to...

 

Excuses To Use When Caught Sleeping At Work

They told me at the blood bank that this might happen. This is just a 15 minute power nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me...

 

The AOL Car

The AOL car would have a TOP speed of 40 MPH yet have a 200 MPH speedometer. The AOL car would come equipped with a NEW and fantastic 8-Track tape player....

 

You're Drinking Too Much Coffee When . . .

Juan Valdez named his donkey after you. You ski uphill. You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked. You speed walk in your sleep. You have a bumper...

 

Why Dogs Don't Use Computers

Can't stick their heads out of Windows '95. Fetch command not available on all platforms. Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one side. Too...

 

Things Not To Do At A Hostage Negotiation

As Hostage Taker: Demand to speak only with FBI agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully. Have one of the hostages hold your gun while you make a quick trip to the...