Miscellaneous

The Darwin Awards-1996 Nominees

[San Jose Mercury News]An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend's windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when...

 

Pinocchio Kidnapped!

Everyone hear the news about Snow White, Cinderella, and Sleeping Beauty being expelled from Disneyland?Apparently all three were co-conspirators in the...

 

Three Limericks

Although Cupid got all the girls hot, a great lover himself he was not. They would say, "Sorry, sport, but your arrow's too short-- What we want is what...

 

Freedom Cost Him An Arm

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense:"My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling...

 

Tooth Fairy's Form Letter

Dear:Thank you for leaving [01] tooth under your pillow last night.While we make every attempt to leave a monetary reward in the case of lost or stolen...

 

Having Babies Questions

Mother is in the kitchen making supper for her family when her youngest daughter walks in.Child: Mother, where do babies come from?Mom: Well dear...a mommy...

 

100's of Bumper Stickers

"The gene pool could use a little chlorine.""All generalizations are false.""Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.""Time is what keeps...

 

OJ's Clock

A guy dies and goes to heaven. It's a slow day for St. Peter, so, upon passing the entrance test, St. Peter says "I'm not very busy today, why don't you let...

 

Phrases For Everyday Life

Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.Insanity is my only means of relaxation.Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can...

 

Bounced Check

A Columbia Doctor's secretary called an old farmer out my way and said: "Your check came back."The old man replied, "So did my arthritis!"