More Jokes

Baby jokes

Cry Baby - by Liza Weeping

What is a baby: A soft pink thing that makes a lot of noise at one end and has no sense of responsibility at the other.

Why did you drop the baby? Well, Mrs Smith said he was a bonny bouncing baby, so I wanted to see if he did.

It can't go on! It can't go on! What can't go on? This baby's vest ? it's too small for me.

Did you hear about Mrs Dimwit's new baby? She thought babies should be pink, so she took this one to the doctor because it was a horrible yeller.

Mum, are the Smiths very poor people? I don't think so, Jimmy. Why do you ask? Because they made such a fuss when their baby swallowed a coin

Daddy, daddy, can I have another glass of water, please? But that's the tenth one I've given you tonight! Yes, but the baby's bedroom is still on...

Doctor, doctor, my baby's swallowed a watch! Give it some Epsom Salts: that should help it pass the time.

A scoutmaster asked one of his troop what good deed he had done for the day. "Well, Skip," said the scout, "Mum had only one dose of castor oil...

Why are babies always gurgling with joy? Because it's a nappy time.